SPACES

*Spaces*

It’s been (maybe) a month from the last post before. How am I ?.. rusted. Rusted in my room. Well technically, its my grand mom’s room. Maybe its just a month from where I began to tell what happen on me. But actually, after I counted, its been 5 months, 5 Fucking months! I do nothing for my life. I didn’t starting something, I didn’t feels like living, and I admitted it, Something’s gonna change here. Something needs to be invented. Re-build.

Being hit by reality, that I’m actually feeling lonely, a little bit grumpy, lack of happiness, kinda off balanced. Now, I know what it feels like, that dreams and hope are scary things to think about. The bigger the dreams and hope is, the scarier it would be.

Now I know, why some people didn’t expect much from their dreams and hopes. Why some people seems like didn’t want to even think about it and underestimate these things. It’s becoming rusted on your soul. Dragging you into nowhere. Until you lost.

Are you willing to give up your life, into nothing ? where you lost your motivation, you lost your directions, you lost your control, your power, your ability or maybe until you have nothing to bragging about and then *pooft* you stop. You do nothing. You have nothing. Then actually, you become nothing. Not even close to become ”something”.

   

I thought I just need a month up to couple months to make some spaces in my life. Time flies huh?

Sometimes I realized something, when we do things that really matter to our life, God give us more time in your life ( maybe so we can continuing do that more longer  in this world ). But when you do something that unnecessary, time speed up fast. Really fast.

From the beginning of a month, now is already fifth month since I think about it.

I thought it would be a space between my sentences of my story. But now it became spaces to a paragraph. Or maybe for a new pages. I don’t know. All I know, I just make a big hole in my lifetime.